Sunday, 15 July 2012

I pity myself for pitying you

I looked back and I laughed. How silly I was. You said I don't love you enough but don't you remember the little things I did? You said you like me, but that was just your words. None of your actions prove so do they? You just try to get me because you hate being a loner. 跟我在一起的时候想着她。how pathetic. Holding my hand and thinking of her. How dumb was I to let myself sink into something like that.

You were the one who don't allow me to love you. You claimed that you love me whn you didnt let her go. You jump into a relationship and almost force me to accept it when your heart wasn't there. How could you.

Because seriously no matter how I deceive myself that it's okay, it's over, I don't feel alright at all. Like you've swallowed a part of me and now I'm left there. Not because I love you that deeply. But you eat away my innocent, my trust, the way I don't know how to love another I've always wanted to.

You know I could mean much more than she does.
So, stop thinking the way that you did nothing wrong. I hate how reckless you were, I hate how cruel you were.

Nah, I'm not trying to be a loser and push all the blame to you. I was dumb enough to believe your words, too naive to think that we could work out.

Eunice, you should know how ready I was right? Only you will understand. He doesnt and he never will.

Courage. I need that. To face my life. I won't pray for that. I'll make it grow.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Wishing only kills

Boy, when I stumble across your news, I crushed.
I don't understand how you bear to hurt me this way. I don't understand how you can pretend nothing happened. I don't understand why can one be so selfish. I don't understand why I've to be a victim and be a rebound girl.

I woke up in the morning. Feeling lousy yet again. Because you were the first thing that cross my mind. It's not because I love you. But it's because I hate you. I hate how you make me despise myself. I hate how you destroy me. I hate how you make me not dare to trust again. I hate how you push all the blames to me.

Initially I thought it was my bad. Then I took a step back and realize, hey, it all doesn't make sense.
I remember all the hurtful and insensitive words you used on me. As if everything was planned. That you just wanted to 'play' me. I was warned. But I learned to trust. & so this is one get in return for trusting.

I'll get stronger. But each time when I'm reminded about you, i can only spell regret.
Regret for knowing you, for pitying you, you don't deserve it, but yet I thought you do.

You seriously suck. I could be someone so so much better. But you destroyed such a big part and now I have to live with it. I hope you'll live with guilt, but that will make me as horrible as you. & you wont either.

I'm done with ranting. It doesn't change a thing does it? I can only cross my finger and pray. That one day, you will stop trying to step into a relationship and do all those horrible things with your words and all and destroy innocent girls. Not everyone can take this. Really.

Because of your selfishness, so many have to suffer with you. Fuck you.

Okay, life moves on.

Wednesday, 4 July 2012

& whn I stumble across your news,

I feel like shouting straight into your face, FUCKING move on!

Linger on for idk what stupid reasons. So weak. Can't you just accept it and bloody move on? Don't you know you'll only hurt more if you decide to lead a life like that?

Sunday, 1 July 2012

Two lists you should look at every morning: to do list & to ignore list

I read this article, & its amazing!

The speed with which information hurtles towards us is unavoidable, and it's getting worse. But trying to catch up is counterproductive. Strategic advisor Peter Bregman explains how two simple lists can help us organize what's important.
I was late for my meeting with the CEO of a technology company and I was emailing him from my iPhone as I walked onto the elevator in his company's office building. I stayed focused on the screen as I rode to the sixth floor. I was still typing with my thumbs when the elevator doors opened and I walked out without looking up. Then I heard a voice behind me, "Wrong floor." I looked back at the man who was holding the door open for me to get back in; it was the CEO, a big smile on his face. He had been in the elevator with me the whole time. "Busted," he said.

The world is moving fast and it's only getting faster. So much technology. So much information. So much to understand, to think about, to react to. A friend of mine recently took a new job as the head of learning and development at a mid-sized investment bank. When she came to work her first day on the job she turned on her computer, logged in with the password they had given her, and found 385 messages already waiting for her.

So we try to speed up to match the pace of the action around us. We stay up until 3 am trying to answer all our emails. We twitter, we facebook, and we link-in. We scan news websites wanting to make sure we stay up to date on the latest updates. And we salivate each time we hear the beep or vibration of a new text message.

But that's a mistake. The faster the waves come, the more deliberately we need to navigate. Otherwise we'll get tossed around like so many particles of sand, scattered to oblivion. Never before has it been so important to be grounded and intentional and to know what's important.

Never before has it been so important to say "No." No, I'm not going to read that article. No, I'm not going to read that email. No, I'm not going to take that phone call. No, I'm not going to sit through that meeting.

It's hard to do because maybe, just maybe, that next piece of information will be the key to our success. But our success actually hinges on the opposite: on our willingness to risk missing some information. Because trying to focus on it all is a risk in itself. We'll exhaust ourselves. We'll get confused, nervous, and irritable. And we'll miss the CEO standing next to us in the elevator.

A study of car accidents by the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute put cameras in cars to see what happens right before an accident. They found that in 80% of crashes the driver was distracted during the three seconds preceding the incident. In other words, they lost focus—dialed their cell phones, changed the station on the radio, took a bite of a sandwich, maybe checked a text—and didn't notice that something changed in the world around them. Then they crashed.

The world is changing fast and if we don't stay focused on the road ahead, resisting the distractions that, while tempting, are, well, distracting, then we increase the chances of a crash.

Now is a good time to pause, prioritize, and focus. Make two lists:

List 1: Your Focus List (the road ahead)
What are you trying to achieve? What makes you happy? What's important to you? Design your time around those things. Because time is your one limited resource and no matter how hard you try you can't work 25/8.

List 2: Your Ignore List (the distractions)
To succeed in using your time wisely, you have to ask the equally important but often avoided complementary questions: what are you willing not to achieve? What doesn't make you happy? What's not important to you? What gets in the way?

Some people already have the first list. Very few have the second. But given how easily we get distracted and how many distractions we have these days, the second is more important than ever. The leaders who will continue to thrive in the future know the answers to these questions and each time there's a demand on their attention they ask whether it will further their focus or dilute it.

Which means you shouldn't create these lists once and then put them in a drawer. These two lists are your map for each day. Review them each morning, along with your calendar, and ask: what's the plan for today? Where will I spend my time? How will it further my focus? How might I get distracted? Then find the courage to follow through, make choices, and maybe disappoint a few people.

After the CEO busted me in the elevator, he told me about the meeting he had just come from. It was a gathering of all the finalists, of which he was one, for the title of Entrepreneur of the Year. This was an important meeting for him - as it was for everyone who aspired to the title (the judges were all in attendance) - and before he entered he had made two explicit decisions: 1. To focus on the meeting itself and 2. Not to check his BlackBerry.

What amazed him was that he was the only one not glued to a mobile device. Were all the other CEOs not interested in the title? Were their businesses so dependent on them that they couldn't be away for one hour? Is either of those a smart thing to communicate to the judges?

There was only one thing that was most important in that hour and there was only one CEO whose behavior reflected that importance, who knew where to focus and what to ignore. Whether or not he eventually wins the title, he's already winning the game.