Little dreams of mine, of girls.

"I was told, the average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7.
She picks the colors and the cake first.

By the age of 10, she knows time, and location.

By 17, she’s already chosen a gown, 2 bridesmaids, and a maid of honour.

By 23, she’s waiting for a man, who wont break out in hives when he hears the word “commitment”.
Someone who doesn’t smell like a Band-Aid drenched in lonely;
someone who isn’t a temporary solution to the empty side of the bed;
someone who’ll hold her hand like it’s the only one they’ve ever seen.



While I walk down the aisle nervously, like a 5 foot promise, I will put on a smile. A smile so big you will see it on google map.

When the pastor asks if I take my man as my husband, I will say yes before he finishes the sentence.
I’ll apologize later for being impolite.
But I will also explain to him, that our first kiss happened years ago.
And I’ve been practicing my “yes” ever since.

When people ask me about my future husband, I don't really know what to say.
But for sure that I know,
His eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long;
he would be a someone who loves to laugh, even at the silliest joke;
he would be terrible at lying, because he is one kind soul.

I tell them

If my alarm clock sounded like his voice

My snooze button would collect dust

I tell them

If he came in a bottle

I would drink him until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys

If he was a book

I would memorise his table of contents

I would read his cover-to-cover

Hoping to find typos

Just so we can both have a few things to work on

Because aren’t we all unfinished?

Don’t we all need a little editing?

Aren’t we all waiting to be proofread by someone?

Aren’t we all praying they will tell us that we make sense

He doesn’t always make sense

But his imperfections are the things I love about her the most

I don’t know when I will be married;
I don’t know where I will be married;
But I do know this,
Whenever I’m asked about my future husband
I would say … He's the best thing that has ever walked into my life."

The most beautiful dream, ever.

Joshua Oh texted me, 15 mins before 12 midnight and so, he was the first to give me his blessings this year.
I lied down on my bed after, not attending to my phone no more.
I sang myself a birthday song in my head and made my one and only wish this year - good health.
I fall asleep soon after and had the most beautiful dream ever.

I was in a white dress, and I walked towards a beautiful garden.

There, butterflies were fluttering around me.
There were chairs arranged, all covered with white cloth and a black ribbon.
There were pink balloons attached to the chairs too.

I took a step forward, and there, my idol was in front.
In front of his favourite instrument, he gave me his sweetest smile and played a melody.
I started singing along too although I can't recall what song it was.

Then, the best moment came.
There were more and more voices and went I turned around, all my favourite people were there, behind a gigantic strawberry shortcake!

The guys queued up and each came with a stalk of red rose, while the girls gave a peck on my check.
I teared like nobody's business by then. :')

My idol was gone by then ( I totally forgot about him - dreams don't really flow do they?).
Then each group staged up a performance.
I saw Fantastic Four, Foodies Sisters, LDQSN, "I like to study" buddies, AJCSB, SW Beauties, Lovely Cousins, etc.
I even saw people I have not met in ages, 2/7; 09/10 etc.!

And it was time to head home.
My beautiful family were waiting for me and they all gave their tightest hug ever.
Everyone was looking great, everyone.

All wear on their smile with rosy checks, looking really healthy.
This is probably the most beautiful dream I had ever dreamt of.
It is so beautiful I don't need it to happen in real life.
Because it has reminded me that I am love. :)

Thank you god, thank you all.
For this dream, is the best present for this year.
I like it a lot. :')

p.s. Idol, JJ Lin.

That feeling when you are able to love again!

Remember I went Eda Theme Park last year for my Taiwan trip?
I did a post then, here: http://perkypecky.blogspot.sg/2012/12/taiwan-trip-2012-part-2-eda-theme-park.html
I just happened to find these commercials that JJ Lin did for EDA back then in 2011. <3 :D

But I misses that, damn.
Okay, I should seriously stop being so obsess with him.
No idea what has gotten over me these days!
It's like I have found back my first love, the feeling I'm in love again HAHAHA.

JJ 林俊傑 - 因你而在 You N Me (華納 official 官方完整音檔)

My 500th posts, so I will dedicate this post to someone I adore, a lot.



已过了十年。
那么漫长的岁月，你依旧那么的努力。

从一个很害羞，不是很有信心的小男生，到如今深受大家肯定的新四大天王，真是不简单。
新加坡有那么杰出的创作歌手，真是感到骄傲！
至今已模糊不清，不晓得在梦里梦到你几次 － 好花痴哦 >.<

你的努力大家都看的到。
为了爱你的人，欣赏你的歌迷朋友们继续加油。

我们因你的歌声而在。
当是是不顺心时，请切记，你还有永远支持你的歌迷们！

音乐才子，加油加油再加油！



*Wrote this as if he would read them. Oh God.
Please do support his, you know he's good :)

JJ Lin.

I didn't change; you just never knew me.

I wasn't really feeling too good when that feeling of emptiness overpowers me.
I have no idea if it was you.
You know, it's so common for teenagers to have these feelings overpowering them. I read it somewhere before.
Teenagers like to compare their life with others, and often felt that they were a 'loner' - either they don't know where they are heading, they have no directions, their life weren't as happening, or that they have less friends, or they don't have as many people loving and adoring them, whatever.

I felt like breaking down for that moment. But I held back.
I felt lost, so so lost.
For that moment, I questioned myself many things. And it just got worst.
Am glad there were people talking about random stuff to pull my mind off these horrible feelings.

I know how scary this blog title sounded.
It is as if I were being accused by someone I least expected.

Hey no, that was just a random line that cross my mind.
I'm stepping into the 20th world in a matter of 2 weeks time.
How much have I grown? How much have I changed?

Yes, in terms of knowledge and wisdom I guess I could say proudly I definitely have gained a lot more; given that I have went through much, especially these two years.

And so, how should I lead my next 20 years, to make it a better one, for myself, my my family, for my friends, for my loved ones?

I have a dream; a dream I never once admitted to any.
It sounded too far away from me that I don't dare to think about it any longer.
Yet recently, it has been calling out for me, louder and louder.
I'm afraid, still.

Confidence.
Courage.
These 2 Cs are the one I have been dying for.

Frankly, I have much more now, compared to the me say in lower Secondary.
Still, I don't think I have an adequate amount of them.
I doubt myself in a myriad of things that I do, even when I was told otherwise.
I doubt my own capabilities, my judgment, many times still.

But one thing I'm certain now at least, (I have shared this with my new friend Sing Ping in one of the Social Work Tutorial) I cannot lock myself out in search of answers.
Maybe it might work, but it will take a longer time.

I have got to get out and meet new people, gain new perspectives, allow myself to see through their eyes, a different world.

Only then perhaps  I will find the answer to what's life, how should I lead mine.

Looking back year 2012; dedicate my love for you dearests

I’m thankful for year 2012; I was really happy that the world didn’t come to and end.
Thus I have the opportunity to love still.

This year wasn’t the best of my years; In fact, one of the worst.
To add on to the lists of bad things that hit me this year, I have another piece of bad news: I did not manage the get into Impresario quarter-finals. Damn.
Though I wasn’t expecting much, with my disgraceful performance that day, I was hoping the rest would do so much worst than me. HAHAHA.

Results was horrendous. B- for all modules and a C+ for Psychology almost killed me. GPA of 2.9 was just so unacceptable.
Oh well. Nothing beats what happened in the first half of this year.
Yet, I still believe in love. Dumb ass, I know.

I believe still, that a kiss can beautify souls hearts and thoughts …
When I was younger, my biggest dream was always to be the happiest and prettiest bride in the world!
I so hope that one day I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, the one that I love the most.
I see kids, on their facebook status commenting that they want to get into a relationship when they are barely 13.
Relationship these days seem so fragile, couples break and patch and break again.
People getting together for all other reasons to satisfy they wants except to love and give.
I have made mistakes too. Mistakes that I wouldn’t want to forgive myself for.
Of course we can’t go back in time, to undo things, so we can only look forward!
Whatever it is, all these shits have made me who I am.
For the better or otherwise, I don’t have the answer Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
But I am who I am today because of my past, may be it was the best arrangement. Maybe it was the only way that I could be the best that I can, at least I can start now :) 

我相信天注定的缘分。亲爱的，当你出现时，我或许会错过你。但是，因为有缘，最终一定会在相遇，一定会在一起。不必强求，因为我们上辈子已经说好了。

We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another.

Moving on, new Year Resolutions for Year 2013?
I would skip this portion this year. Not because it’s the same as year 2012; awkward~

This year, I would like to dedicate this post to all my special dearests.
Precisely this was such a bad year, my ties with some grown stronger :)

Aaron, we have not known each other for long to be exact. Yet the friendship that we have now is so strong. Though we are all grown up now, and we barely have time to meet up, we know that we will be good friends for long, that we would do all we could to protect this friendship. :)

Christine: It was such a pain seeing that jerk hurt you that way earlier this year. Thank God; God always bless good girls like you. I’m so glad you moved one and found your love in the end. You were so brave, so daring. On a side note, you are too selfless. You always do so so much for all the people around you. At the cost of making yourself so tired at times. Love yourself a little more alright? :)

Eunice: If not of the same Fo Tang, I wonder if we would meet still. Life would be in a mess if I don’t have you. I can’t believe how much similar incidents we have went through. Like literally copy and paste. That’s not very nice actually. LOL. Well, that’s precisely why can connect that well too don’t we? You could understand me the way no others would. I don’t have to explain much. I’m so glad I have got you. May we have more opportunities to be there for each other in the years ahead :)

Jia Jia: I’m not too sure if you would have the chance to read this. For a period of time, I was devastated. I thought I lost you. I don’t know what to say, nor what to do. I thought you have changed. We have known each other ever since we were little. It was such a pain. Thankfully, it was over. You wouldn’t know how happy I was when we could talk again like before. Maybe you are still in the age where seeking fun is your top most priority, but don’t neglect certain stuff. Regret is the worst punishment ever. If you need anything, I’m just a call away okay? :)

Jia Min: Soon we would celebrate our 12 years anniversary! Like I have said, you could take off that title from FB anytime; the only condition is that the one that you are having relationship must be with Aaron. You know, the best feeling on earth is when you witness your two best friends get together. I’m so glad you all found each other. :)

Jonathan: You have been such a lovely. Never failed to cheer me up when I needed that. You were always there when I needed you. Like I have said, I looked up to you a lot; such an optimistic gentleman. I really do hope you will find your true love soon; that someone whom deserve you would appear really soon. And so you can be the happiest one on earth; we both agree that that emptiness can only be overcome with love don’t we? :)

Joshua Oh: Nothing is better than having such an awesome neighbor cum bestie! Well, I didn’t expect you to share so much about yourself with me the other day. But I was really happy you did; because it meant that you trust me and that we are closer now, right? I hope that neither of us would move house! I think you would be a good boyfriend next time; you pay attention to little things and would make the effort to go that extra miles. Well, 会顾家的男人都是好男人啦！:)

Joshua Teo: Well to be exact, we aren’t close. But still, you are someone I looked up to so there you go! I miss those little times when you would share your stories because they were always so inspiring. That’s exactly why I idolize you that much. Someone with great ambition, I’m pretty sure you will achieve even more in near future! I hope your grandpa will recover soon. :)

Jun Rong: I admire how direct you are. 直率，超帅的！This year has been hard on us I know. Yet, we have gained some in return like being even closer with our family. I pray with my everything that things will only get better from now on. You have been such a sensible one and should be blessed. I hope we will forge stronger friendship in the years ahead :)

Miao Hui: Longest friendship I guess? Like ever since we were 3? 4? Or 5? I’m really glad that though we have never been in the same school, we are still able to keep in contact somehow. And next year you are finally coming back to BXB. We can have more time or heart-to-heart-talk. :)

Nickie: The one who understands me best; you have always been. We don’t have to call nor talk everyday. Amazingly, we can connect that way still. You are one strong woman. I don’t hope that you would give up and reject all because of him. Trust me, they are the worst that one will ever meet. Nothing will beat us now alright? :)

Pei Hong: Jie jie, I’m so glad I have got you. It’s as if I have had a real jiejie. The way you care and protect and sacrifice and think for others just make you so angelic. I was so happy when you told me that I was chosen as your best friend for that question. May we have greater opportunities to be even closer in upcoming years! And for being such a great listener, thank you :)

Pei Ting: If you were less bimbotic, I guess you would be perfect. LOL, just joking. I love all those little encouragements you gave me; and that you would give me suggestions. Thank you for helping me peer mark many times. For the many little things you did, they actually mean a lot to me. Thank you dear :)

Rong Her: I smiled so widely when you said, “Yes, that’s your smell. I miss you!” With you around, that trip to Taiwan was made worthwhile. I hope that life will do justice to you, so your innocence will stay with you for as long as you live. It would be such a pity if that were being eaten away because of some horrible incidents or people you might meet! Don’t worry, Eunice and I will protect you. :)

Sook hui: You know you are so so much tougher now. Yet I have to remind you, you are no saint. You don’t have to shoulder all the responsibilities everywhere. You have your own life to lead, own expectations to fulfill, own values to hold. I’m so glad that you hang on to RSSB Alumni when most of us were down. Thank you dear :) Really, it’s okay to think for yourself sometimes.

Tanay: Steady do you still love me? Hahaha. Well there aren’t many opportunities for us to catch up this year, but you were always there when I needed to whine and complain. I hope your love would appear soon, so you won’t have to hua-chi everyday and drool over all those hot guys in class. :)

Vinus: I really salute to your 5 years relationship with your prince. Like we have always joke that you guys can start planning for marriage. You are one caring girl and I wanna thank you for helping me stalk people on twitter at times LOL. Okay, that was bad. I won’t do that anymore anyway. :)

Xing Jun: Babe! I’m so glad that I have got you for this whole semester. I would be so lost otherwise. I don’t know if we would be that close still next semester, but you are one awesome person. Fun-loving and full of nonsense and ideas as usual. Let’s work real hard together and do ourselves proud alright? No more skipping of lessons ever if there are webcasts, promise? I mean you have to force me to come to school! :)

Of course this list is not exhaustive.
If you don’t see your name here, you can give me a hug next time when you see me and give me a gentle reminder. LOL.

It’s late and I have passed my sleeping time. I can’t really think now. Pardon me!

Year 2013, please be good. I don’t ask for much, just good health for all.
 It’s my first time, not asking for much.

  I hope it makes a difference.

NTU CAC Impresario 2013

If you know me well enough, you might wonder why I was in long pants last Saturday.

I have actually went for a singing audition. Gasp!

NTU CAC Impresario 2013 - it's a nationwide talent search competition organised by Lee Wei Song Music Show. According to Nickie, it's like NTU's most bizarre event. 

I auditioned Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. 

Voice has yet to recovered from Taiwan trip. Oh well. 

Hopefully others did so badly so I can get through the next round. Evil me!

Met some awesome people there. Surprisingly, none was from NTU itself.

Am really thankful Nickie accompanied me that day.
I was so nervous. I have never tried anything like this before, so happening. Or rather, too happening for me. ._.
The atmosphere was rather awkward initially. Nobody wants to practice their song in the holding room.

I paid a freaking $14 for it, so I held on to the mic for as long as I could.

I don't know if I am what the judges are looking for.
I have to admit I don't sing well, but I really like it a lot.
If I were given a chance to, I would give my best and more.


Purely because I find joy in it. :')

Marriage

"I wanna get married at the age of 18!"
I'm pretty sure most of my friends know that was my dream since I've memory. *bangwallanddie, I'm far away from that.
Single life isn't that miserable actually no responsibility, don't have to account for anybody. But then, you might feel terrible on those lonely nights. You longed to receive a hug or cuddle with your crush. *iknowhowthatfeels.
Then I start to ponder, am I still that old me, who's really looking forward to marriage? Or will I just cry and regret after?
Someone told me that these days, the most worrying thing is that people get into relationship too fast. They don't even know each other and they rush into it. And worst still, getting too involved that regret doesn't even help.
I hope I've grown up over the years. That I'm much more mature in handling relationship. It's always easy to give advices or scream at your best friend and tell them they are obviously blind and wrong. But when it comes back to you, you won't feel that way.
Linger and linger on. Why are we humans so so weak? Of should I say we are sentiment beings that's why we just can't let go of certain things when making decisions.
I wonder how people do it when they assured others they won't let their emotions obstruct them from their work, their performance. Is it possible in any way? *hmmm.

On a side note, I still wanna get married okay. I guess it's all girls, or most girls dreams? To be a princess for once and lead that happy ever after days. *cantblameme; I'm the typical girl too!