To reflect upon what were reflected to me

When you complain of people shouting at you frequently, do you think about whether you reciprocate and do it as often as they do?

And when people shout, is it because they are just furious, or is it because they are just trying their best to get their message through you, who doesn’t seem to appreciate and understand the meaning behind those words? Or worse off, who don’t even listen?

Whatever you do, or whatever people around you do to you, sometimes it all just comes back down to how you present yourself in front of these people.

And sometimes, you’ll realise you only have yourself to blame.

But as often as I always do when something bad happens, wallowing in self-pity alone, I believe, won’t solve the problem. Neither does running away from it will. And instead of just thinking how pathetic you are, why don’t you think of the underlying reason behind why things happen? They have a reason for happening, you know.

And sometimes, you’ll find that the main problem is YOU, so CHANGE FOR THE BETTER! :)

Time can't erase a feeling this strong;

"Never steal, lie and cheat. But if you must steal, steal my heart. If you must lie, lie in my arms. If you must cheat, cheat death so we'll grow old together."

Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive.

But inside our heads, there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like a library.
To understand the workings of our own heart, we have to keep on making new reference cards.
We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases.

In other words, we’ll live forever in our own little private library.




There’s a lot of things you should make back up plans for, but love isn’t one of them.

Little dreams of mine, of girls.

"I was told, the average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7.
She picks the colors and the cake first.

By the age of 10, she knows time, and location.

By 17, she’s already chosen a gown, 2 bridesmaids, and a maid of honour.

By 23, she’s waiting for a man, who wont break out in hives when he hears the word “commitment”.
Someone who doesn’t smell like a Band-Aid drenched in lonely;
someone who isn’t a temporary solution to the empty side of the bed;
someone who’ll hold her hand like it’s the only one they’ve ever seen.



While I walk down the aisle nervously, like a 5 foot promise, I will put on a smile. A smile so big you will see it on google map.

When the pastor asks if I take my man as my husband, I will say yes before he finishes the sentence.
I’ll apologize later for being impolite.
But I will also explain to him, that our first kiss happened years ago.
And I’ve been practicing my “yes” ever since.

When people ask me about my future husband, I don't really know what to say.
But for sure that I know,
His eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long;
he would be a someone who loves to laugh, even at the silliest joke;
he would be terrible at lying, because he is one kind soul.

I tell them

If my alarm clock sounded like his voice

My snooze button would collect dust

I tell them

If he came in a bottle

I would drink him until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys

If he was a book

I would memorise his table of contents

I would read his cover-to-cover

Hoping to find typos

Just so we can both have a few things to work on

Because aren’t we all unfinished?

Don’t we all need a little editing?

Aren’t we all waiting to be proofread by someone?

Aren’t we all praying they will tell us that we make sense

He doesn’t always make sense

But his imperfections are the things I love about her the most

I don’t know when I will be married;
I don’t know where I will be married;
But I do know this,
Whenever I’m asked about my future husband
I would say … He's the best thing that has ever walked into my life."

Chasing Riches

I chanced upon this piece some time back.
It was being displayed at the museum for The Artsy Affair (TAP 2013).

This is a piece of art by an artist name Zhi Yang (Lek).
Take a minute and have a good look at it. What did you see?



The lady in the picture, she's so beautiful. In fact, I find her flawless. Yet, she's chained up, she's tied up. I felt so disturbed, so so disturbed.

Quoted by him, 'In the future, when the world has changed for the worse, people would be so focused on chasing material wealth and possessions that it becomes an obsession. Ultimately, it consumes so much of their lives that it suffocates them."

And this is clearly evidenced, being reflected in our today's world. The picture depicts the true reality. It's not just women. So many of us, are obsessed with pursuing what the "norm" beauty is, the beauty that commercial often focus too much on. We dedicate our life in getting the material goods, the surface beauty, the things that do not last. Whatever happens to the real, genuine, and pure beauty?


& it's killing us, slowly. We are our own murderers.

In everyday life; what do you want to see and not want to see?

This may sound silly; but it always make my day when I see children playing with their real toys instead of holding on to an electronic device. 

I hope that children today still has a childhood, sincerely. 

Have you witnessed a car accident before?
It was not my first; bit what came after was horrendous.

No, there was no one injured. Yet, how they shouted at each other and pushing blames, swearing at each other was just the worst scene ever.

New Addiction: Frozen Freeze (JJ Lin)

Too stressed up with life recently; I have one of the my worst outbreaks recently.

If these images happen to scare anyone in the middle of the night, I'm sorry :O

I have been trying this new mask recommended by peihong jiejie and rongher; hopefully it's suitable for me!
It's from The Face Shop: Aloe Vera. (I'll do a review if it's good alright!)

How long has it been, since you spend time with just yourself?
Each and every day, too many of us are busy doing the repetitive work - waking up, work/school, meal time, off to bed, and the cycle repeats.

Since JC period, I have been leading a life, sometimes too exhausting for me to handle. As a result, I somehow managed to bury most of my inner emotions deep down, well.
Even though so much has happened, I have yet to really face these issues.

And so tonight, while waiting for a late-night bus home, I plugged in my ear-piece, listening to this new addiction. JJ Lin's new song: Frozen Kiss. I have mentioned to some that I find the melody a little too familiar, not in a bad way.
It's a beautiful song, yet some form of pain is inflicted each time this song is being replayed.

Facing that quiet road, memories start creeping in with this melody accompanying me that night. It's not exactly this song that reminds me of a particular someone, but a feeling that I have been missing.
I'm not trying to imply Im desperate for a someone to depend on - in fact I'm happier than in the past, with all the love and care I have now. It's just those night, once in a while, when you starting missing those feelings.




I know this is a social networking site and I am aware I should not post too personal feelings here; I just want to share this beautiful and powerful song, hoping it can relate to another.
It's not exactly being stuck in the past, wanting to go back in time.
I have moved on, because I have learnt. I have learnt the pain of losing someone, I have learnt the pain of regrets.

I listen to a familiar melody, so as to remind myself of the times that I have cried in pain; I listen to lyrics that depicts my situations and feelings then, so as not to hurt again.

I'm gonna quote from my idol JJ Lin, "The antagonizing moments which I used to scream and pray would pass quickly, would be the same moments I eventually miss after the pain has gone away. I sing, to remember these scars, To celebrate these memories."

到处风流，程还年轻。

到处风流，程还年轻。 

和你们一块儿风流的女生，能够满足你们。
和你们一块儿风流的女生，能过让你们快乐 。
和你们一块儿风流的女生，能过让你们玩得痛快。
和你们一块儿风流的女生，能过让你们忘了烦恼。
和你们一块儿风流的女生，能过让你们做真真的自己。

但，这一切都只是短暂的不是吗？
玩够了，玩疯了，就会要平静的生活。

因为终于长大了，了解之前的一切，都只能让你快乐一整子。
之前的一切，都只是短暂的把烦恼丢到脑后。
总有一天，还是得面对一切。 

然后，你们就会寻找好好女生。
又或者，你们终于看到一直再你身边默默付出，默默关心，默默等待的她。
Then you realised, that they are the only true “wife material”, the one angel that you can live your rest of your life with and depend on her.

然而，一早就发现她们的好的好先生怎么办呢？

女人啊，真蠢。
宁可相信听到的，也不可相信自己眼睛目睹的一切一切。
他的一句对不起，心又软了。 

这些男生啊，仗着懂得美言几句，就吃定女生们。
这些男生啊，以为自己很有魅力，就吃定女生们。

对他们而言，爱情是一场游戏。
对他们而言，爱情是一场盛战。 

爱情对他们而言，自有输与赢。
而他们这些男生，永远都是赢家 。。。

P.S. An overdue post.

Nick Vujicic - My new HERO

My new favourite: White Chocolate Mocha. I fall in love with first sip. But why decided to filter it to a black and white shot?

It has been busy week and days ahead might be worst - Finals in a month time and are the deadlines for reports, projects etc. are approaching.

Yes, I could hardly breathe. I'm tired.
There are nights when I just feel like smashing my Mac and just go to sleep.
SSA is the worst; my report is heading no where.
To make things uglier, my memory card got corrupted and I couldn't retrieve any videos back. Yes, all gone just like that.

I slept my day away that day. I don't know where to start from.
On top of that, things hit me that kinda trigger back certain nightmares.
Things didn't go my way. Days were just BAD.

Then I was looking for motivation.
I chanced upon a video by Nick Vujicic. 
(P.s. Youtube is being an ass now; I cant share the video that I had watched)
I may not know him literally, but he's my new hero. I have learnt so much from him.
As long as we don't give up, there's hope. 

I have got to forgive people who have hurt me, only then it will start to heal. 


Things got better after; I find joy in little things that happened in my everyday life. I was happier than before.
God, Allah, whoever, the omnipotent being sent beautiful things around me - the little boy who entertained me, this gentleman who offered me his seat because he felt that I needed more than he does, and the list goes on.

When I need strength, I know who to fall back on.
For that, I'm blessed and loved.


On a side note, it's amazing how the post about CONFESSIONS became my second most popular post!
The KTV review wasn't a surprise because it has been an old post so it accumulated to more than 400 views.
But this CONFESSIONS Post hit more than 100 views in just one day.
Well, other than reflecting that my readers are kpo (I'm joking!); it shows how much you guys care about the real me.

Okay, the last part doesn't make sense at all!

Confessions

As the title suggested, I'm going to do a blog post all about me.
I wanted to do this for a long time; I decided to pen them down so I could sort out my thoughts better too.

1. Phobia towards Phone Calls
I don't really know when this have developed. Perhaps phobia is way too an extreme word to put this across, but since this is the no. 1 confession I have made here, I wanted it to sound impactful. Meh.

Yes, I do like to interact with people. I believe it is a good source to learn more about lives and to gain more insights.
Okay, I do want to be there for my friends. Yet at times, I can't help it but to think phone calls are a total waste of time. Most of the time phone calls I had have no content. For most of my long chats over the phone, we would end up talking about the same damn thing over and over again, and back to square one. Things didn't improve. Perhaps we were in a too comfortable environment like lying on our bed - hence ended up engaging in endless senseless talks.
And the very reason that I don't really enjoy long chats? I'm not a someone who can multi-task well. If you know me well enough, you should have realised I actually couldn't perform that at all. The same thing for phone calls. When I talked with someone on phone, I usually don't engage in any other activity. Yes, literally sat down with just the phone. It's not a bad thing, giving your fullest attention. Yet, this has contributed to many of my nights just burnt like that. Too tired the next day, undone assignments, scoldings from parents and the list goes on that make me dislike phone calls a lot. Not really the process if you understand where I'm coming from.
And at times, sudden phone calls just disrupt my momentum of doing wahtever I am doing.
I do love texting though. I can attend to my phone any time I want.
Touching on this, I guess I can make another confession? My phone is always on silent non-vibrating mode. That's the very reason why I have one thousand and one complaints that I don't even answer the calls during emergency. :(

2. Emotionally Unstable
Many times, I felt like I don't know myself at all. This is normal for this period of time by the way. I'm still in the midst of exploring my identity. Sometimes it's quite bad I couldn't even identify my own emotions. Yes, most of the time I smile and laugh like I'm happy with life. When I was alone though, I always end up indulging in unhealthy thoughts. And yes, I enjoy time being alone. I enjoy that a lot. It's a good time to sort out certain emotions. I love Bucks by the way! Like I have told my dearest Nickie, I couldn't let go of certain terrible things that happened. Some things just can't be erased, can't be undone. I'm not too sure how many of you can relate to this. That aside, I am thankful for life - and that leading to my next confession.
I cry a lot too. Guess AJCSB would know this. :/ Yes, I don't hold them back when I'm comfortable with the people.

3. I'm a big fan of mother nature
Okay, maybe this isn't something so unique no more. Who doesn't love mother nature right?
I would rather take a longer route home - purposely a stop after so I could enjoy that short walk at the park, so I could enjoy the beautiful sunset.
Yes, I love beach. Be it the sight in the day, or at night, it feels different every time I pay them a visit. I love the sound of the wave. I enjoy socking my feet at the shore. Yes, I do collect seashells.
The very reason I love roller blading is because I am closer to the beach when I roller blade.

4. I have always wanted to master piano.
I know these 2 instruments are the most popular, and many of you know how to play them well. It's different on my side. I'm a slow learner, a very slow one. Plus I'm not a well-off family. I don't have the privilege to learn piano or ballet when I was younger. I'm trying to save up now though so I could afford the lessons, soon.
On a side note, I have terrible rhythmic sense and I'm guessing I might be a little tone deaf. Meh.
And that's the very reason, I have a thing for guys who can play piano well. It's a plus plus plus point!!

5. I'm a dreamer.
I'm not just talking about those dreams one would have at night/nap. I'm talking about day-dreaming here. By the way, I think my dreams at night are ridiculously funny. Sometimes I would force myself back to sleep so I could have a conclusion for my dream. LOL. Don't judge me.
I'm bad at remembering people names' and faces. Random.
If you do notice me when I'm alone, most of the time I would either plug in ear piece and stare blankly into the space, or out of the window; or reading a book. I like to imagine myself in different scenarios, playing different characters. And I like to relate to song lyrics. Yes, like being the female lead. All the time. I like to imagine having this big stage like a superstar. My mummy always says one doesn't need to pay to dream. HAHA.
And maybe instead of saying I'm a dreamer, I'm someone who think a lot. I meant it when I say a lot.

6. I'm a judgemental person
As much as being a social worker, I still do judge. I know it's unethical to do so. This was never made known to me only until recently. Social Work modules really allow me to understand myself, discovering my own weaknesses and strengths. I never know I judge so much; from my BFF's reactions to things, to total stranger who is taking the same train. And so now I know that I always do so subconsciously, I have to keep them in check. :)


7. I talk to myself in the mirror

Lastly, I wanna share something that is more positive about me. At least I perceive it that way. As weird as each sound, yes I do. I would look myself in the mirror, giving myself encouragements on long days or when I feel exhausted psychologically. It's one of my ways to reassure myself and so to push on. Sometimes I sing myself praises. Not so much about living in self-denial, but I guess everyone has to know their strengths which will give than more motivation in life!


These are the little 7 things I wanna confess about myself today.
Okay, I realised it's more about things I have discovered about myself. Guess it didn't really conflict with the supposed agenda so oh well.

How well do you know about yourself?
Do you notice yourself doing certain things/habits?
Have you tried justifying these actions? Do they tell something about you?

修練愛情 (Practice Love)；放下偏见

歌詞 
憑什麼要失望　藏眼淚到心臟

往事不會說謊別跟它為難    
我們兩人之間不需要這樣　我想

修練愛情的心酸　學會放好以前的渴望

我們那些信仰　要忘記多難

遠距離的欣賞　近距離的迷惘

誰說太陽會找到月亮

別人有的愛　我們不可能模仿

修練愛情的悲歡　我們這些努力不簡單

快樂煉成淚水　是一種勇敢

幾年前的幻想　幾年後的原諒

為一張臉去養一身傷

別講想念我　我會受不了這樣

記憶它真囂張　路燈把痛點亮

情人一起看過多少次月亮

它在天空看過多少次遺忘　多少心慌

修練愛情的心酸　學會放好以前的渴望

我們那些信仰　要忘記多難

遠距離的欣賞　近距離的迷惘

誰說太陽會找到月亮

別人有的愛　我們不可能模仿

修練愛情的悲歡　我們這些努力不簡單

快樂煉成淚水　是一種勇敢

幾年前的幻想　幾年後的原諒

為一張臉去養一身傷

別講想念我　我會受不了這樣

笑著說愛讓人瘋狂　哭著說愛讓人緊張

忘不了那個人就投降
修練愛情的悲歡　我們這些努力不簡單

快樂煉成淚水　是一種勇敢

幾年前的幻想　幾年後的原諒

為一張臉去養一身傷

別講想念我　我會受不了這樣

When I first listened to this song, it just remind me of this friend of mine.
The song literally depicts his life story.

I remembered making fun of him; not knowing he went through so much more.
I assumed that he's single because of those norm reasons. How shallow could I be!
When he told me the real reason behind it, I went silent.

For a moment, it struck me. For a moment, I realised how precious one's life is.
For a moment, I realised it does not only happen in drama.
For a moment, I seem to walk into his world, I saw the pains and struggles, the hell he fought through.

It reminded me, not to judge.
15 岁的女生牵着1岁儿子的手
人们笑她贱
但没人知道她在13岁那年被强暴

你笑一位过胖的人
但你不知道那个人是因为患重病导致体重失衡

你骂一位老人丑八怪
但你不知道
他是为了保家卫国为导致毁容

你说一个人维和把心封闭
但你不知道，他受过多少的伤

Many many things don't appear as what is seen on the surface.
Unless you went through the same experiences, unless you are living in the EXACT environment, we have no right to judge and criticise another.

Yet how many times did we manage to put all these down and be kind to another?


& my friend, I have not seen you for so long. I don't know how you are doing now.
But you are in my prayers.

当你失去了你的全世界，你又会怎么走下去呢？
当你失去了你的全世界，你还会有同样的勇气吗？











P.s. MV描述: 金曲奖最佳导演徐筠轩首度执导音乐动画作品，故事改编自JJ不曾提起、最沉痛的一段回忆 ...

「近未来的世界，是一个没有植物的寂寥世界
程式设计师 Jean Joseph Orban (JJ饰演) 的植物学家女友
在一次例行性的探勘任务中，遭遇流星群击中太空船，因而丧命
悲伤的 Jean Joseph Orban开发了一组程式，能让记忆转化為虚拟可见的画面
藉由这个程式，所有人都可以随时再看见最思念的人
却也因此导致了许多人沉溺在回忆裡，分不清楚现实与记忆......」

JJ Lin.

Engaging in senseless thought in a lonely night

Bloody move on.
I turned around, and am still turning, too many times.
And yes, it's too tempting.
Now, I'm dreaming for the impossible.
Hopes dashed.
So much so to undo things; so much so to live up to expectations.

You have heard of it; we all did.
That, "nothing is too late".
But what do we meant by nothing?
It very much just is, the twisting the words; forcing to think and look from another.

We all know happiness is a choice.
Yet, sometimes we are just too tired suddenly.
Because to stay happy, we need to think of reasons. Reasons that make our day or anything, better.
And so, sometimes we felt as if we are lying ourselves.
Sometimes we felt that we are a coward who just can't face our own feelings.
So tell me, what is right?

What is right, and what is wrong?
What is then the truth, and what is then a lie?

Confused. Confused?
Can one really be confused with their own feelings?
Or is one just running away from facing their own feelings?

God, this post just makes no sense.
Pffttttt.

P.s. If you are looking at the moon right now, you can spot Jupiter - as the brightest star - below it :)
Credits to: Kenneth Leong

Another day - yet I learnt to treasure my life more now

I started off my day by doing SW Project with my classmates.
I was late, damn.

For once, I was pretty not myself.

I was rather quiet. Perhaps it's the first time we actually spent time together. 

Then it poured, made my day worst. I felt.

Someone shared with me her personal life stories today. 

From being in a not-so-welled paid family, to meeting a two-timer boyfriend, then being backstabbed by her loved ones. 

She is really strong, and I admire that she could still stand tall and earn a good place now, with a much better boy. On top of that, she still believes that the world is a good place, and tomorrow will always get better. :') 

Then I realised, I'm so blessed. 

I have yet to experience a really bad thing like hers, nothing came close to it. 

I wonder if I could still be as positive if I were hit with such incidents. 

For now, I want you to know you are really a beautiful one. We aren't born to make everyone likes and understands us. If they choose to hurt and not accept us, there's a limit to what we can do. Ultimately, we just have to do what is right to us, and be true to ourselves. :)

My younger brother (handsome right! - he's single by the way, *hinthint* HAHAHA) is enlisting soon, a day before valentines. No more roses from him :(

I know you will do well; remember to eat more!



& he gave me this :D
Strawberry cheese fruit pizza for supper :D

Let me post some over-dued pictures!

I met up with my girlfriend yesterday, Nickie :)

She taught me piano. 

I know I'm really slow when it comes to picking up new things, but she was really patient with me! :')

I love you :)

We had a drink at bucks a few days back, actually to do some work but failed. Damn!

And hey, it's out! JJ Lin. His new album will be released on the 13th March, and preorder starts on the 20th Feb. 4 days after my birthday! *hinthint! HAHAHA.


Do support him! He chose to work with A Sa. :) He's mainly working with people he had worked with for the past 10 years! And of course, some new faces too! I'm so excited! :D:D:D

Pause and think about this.

Im actually personally more surprised with the last comment.
Although certain countries are more liberal, they love less.
So much of advocating for equal right to love and yet does not show them when people really needed them?
Think, again.

Happy girls are the prettiest - I say!

Never take someone's feeling for granted, because you never know how much courage they took to show it to you.

Fear of rejection; yet you know that's the best solution. The irony here.
So for now, I won't force myself to have a space in your life. If you really know my worth, you will make one for me.

They say if you do not go after what what you want, you'll never have it.
They say if you do not ask, the answer will always be no.
They say if you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place.

Yet, I wish I didn't make it too obvious and thus hard on you.

I have always been proud of my heart.
It's been played, stabbed, cheater, burned and broken.

But somehow, it still works! :')




On a side note, I know it appears I am pretty obsessed with JJ Lin these days.
There are no other reason that I'm more than looking forward to his 10th Album - Stories Untold.
He worked extremely hard for this, so do support. It'll be good definitely!
因你 而在 Stories Untold will be releasing via major radios after 2/6 10AM Asia (US PST 2/5 6PM).

US - LA Chinese Radio AM1300 美國洛杉磯中文電台 http://www.am1300.com/index.php?m=content&c=index&a=lists&catid=8

Canada Chinese Raido 加拿大中文電台 AM1470 http://www.am1470.com/live/pop_live1470.php FM 96.1 http://www.am1470.com/live/pop_live961.php

Taiwan 台灣 Hit FM http://www.hitoradio.com/newweb/onair2013.php

Hong Kong 903 香港903商業電台 - 雲泥鐘情 http://www.881903.com/Page/Zh-TW/downloadtoolbar.aspx

Singapore 新加坡 1003 http://apps.radioactive.sg/sph/public/ufm1003/

Malaysia 馬來西亞 My FM http://apps.radioactive.sg/amp/public/myfm/

Mainland China 中國內地 Music Radio http://www.musicradio.cc/ City FM http://www.dzwww.com/cityfm/

Pause, think again.

At some point of time, you would realize that you have done so much for someone and the next only possible thing to do is to stop.

It's not like you are giving up or not trying hard enough. Sometimes there is a need to draw a line between determination from desperation.

What is truly yours will eventually be yours. What is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.

I didn't change; you just never knew me.

I wasn't really feeling too good when that feeling of emptiness overpowers me.
I have no idea if it was you.
You know, it's so common for teenagers to have these feelings overpowering them. I read it somewhere before.
Teenagers like to compare their life with others, and often felt that they were a 'loner' - either they don't know where they are heading, they have no directions, their life weren't as happening, or that they have less friends, or they don't have as many people loving and adoring them, whatever.

I felt like breaking down for that moment. But I held back.
I felt lost, so so lost.
For that moment, I questioned myself many things. And it just got worst.
Am glad there were people talking about random stuff to pull my mind off these horrible feelings.

I know how scary this blog title sounded.
It is as if I were being accused by someone I least expected.

Hey no, that was just a random line that cross my mind.
I'm stepping into the 20th world in a matter of 2 weeks time.
How much have I grown? How much have I changed?

Yes, in terms of knowledge and wisdom I guess I could say proudly I definitely have gained a lot more; given that I have went through much, especially these two years.

And so, how should I lead my next 20 years, to make it a better one, for myself, my my family, for my friends, for my loved ones?

I have a dream; a dream I never once admitted to any.
It sounded too far away from me that I don't dare to think about it any longer.
Yet recently, it has been calling out for me, louder and louder.
I'm afraid, still.

Confidence.
Courage.
These 2 Cs are the one I have been dying for.

Frankly, I have much more now, compared to the me say in lower Secondary.
Still, I don't think I have an adequate amount of them.
I doubt myself in a myriad of things that I do, even when I was told otherwise.
I doubt my own capabilities, my judgment, many times still.

But one thing I'm certain now at least, (I have shared this with my new friend Sing Ping in one of the Social Work Tutorial) I cannot lock myself out in search of answers.
Maybe it might work, but it will take a longer time.

I have got to get out and meet new people, gain new perspectives, allow myself to see through their eyes, a different world.

Only then perhaps  I will find the answer to what's life, how should I lead mine.

Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

Once upon a time, I affirmed with my everything that I would do all to make you regret.
They say things that don’t kill you would definitely make you stronger.
Indeed. I thought that that would kill me, that you would kill me.

Then I realized, I was wrong.
To forgive but not to forget - things happened and we couldn’t undo them.
I know I may seem as a loser on the surface, ranting on the same damn old thing that wont change a thing. Freak. Loser. It’s just hard for this, to me.

Give time time, it would get better one day.
We know. It’s just hard now.
Nickie, I’m feeling a little bad now. In fact, horrible.
A game that I took part in unknowingly, and he won.

Please let this gives me strength instead.
I have faced the worst, I just need to overcome this hurdle that’s bothering and affecting me this badly.
I will become better, wiser, and happier.

Give me reminders. I don’t want things like this to destroy me.

“Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.”
I need to find that peace, within me, more than anything else.

HAPPY 2013! :D

Make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt.
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.
The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

Year 2013, a bold year it shall be; a year where my dreams will be drawn closer to me.
Year 2013, a loving year it shall be; a year where I forge stronger ties with my love.
Year 2013, a bless year it shall be; a year where all my love have good health and are happy on most of their days.

Year 2012 has been great with all my love:)

It was pouring like no tomorrow before countdown yesterday since noon.
I was pretty worried that it might affect the performances and fireworks.

I was wrong. The rain was trying its best to wash away all unhappiness of year 2012 :)
Just before countdown, it stopped.
Clear sky, we were all ready to welcome a brand new year.

Year 2013, a good year it shall be. :)

Looking back year 2012; dedicate my love for you dearests

I’m thankful for year 2012; I was really happy that the world didn’t come to and end.
Thus I have the opportunity to love still.

This year wasn’t the best of my years; In fact, one of the worst.
To add on to the lists of bad things that hit me this year, I have another piece of bad news: I did not manage the get into Impresario quarter-finals. Damn.
Though I wasn’t expecting much, with my disgraceful performance that day, I was hoping the rest would do so much worst than me. HAHAHA.

Results was horrendous. B- for all modules and a C+ for Psychology almost killed me. GPA of 2.9 was just so unacceptable.
Oh well. Nothing beats what happened in the first half of this year.
Yet, I still believe in love. Dumb ass, I know.

I believe still, that a kiss can beautify souls hearts and thoughts …
When I was younger, my biggest dream was always to be the happiest and prettiest bride in the world!
I so hope that one day I will marry my best friend, the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, the one that I love the most.
I see kids, on their facebook status commenting that they want to get into a relationship when they are barely 13.
Relationship these days seem so fragile, couples break and patch and break again.
People getting together for all other reasons to satisfy they wants except to love and give.
I have made mistakes too. Mistakes that I wouldn’t want to forgive myself for.
Of course we can’t go back in time, to undo things, so we can only look forward!
Whatever it is, all these shits have made me who I am.
For the better or otherwise, I don’t have the answer Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
But I am who I am today because of my past, may be it was the best arrangement. Maybe it was the only way that I could be the best that I can, at least I can start now :) 

我相信天注定的缘分。亲爱的，当你出现时，我或许会错过你。但是，因为有缘，最终一定会在相遇，一定会在一起。不必强求，因为我们上辈子已经说好了。

We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another.

Moving on, new Year Resolutions for Year 2013?
I would skip this portion this year. Not because it’s the same as year 2012; awkward~

This year, I would like to dedicate this post to all my special dearests.
Precisely this was such a bad year, my ties with some grown stronger :)

Aaron, we have not known each other for long to be exact. Yet the friendship that we have now is so strong. Though we are all grown up now, and we barely have time to meet up, we know that we will be good friends for long, that we would do all we could to protect this friendship. :)

Christine: It was such a pain seeing that jerk hurt you that way earlier this year. Thank God; God always bless good girls like you. I’m so glad you moved one and found your love in the end. You were so brave, so daring. On a side note, you are too selfless. You always do so so much for all the people around you. At the cost of making yourself so tired at times. Love yourself a little more alright? :)

Eunice: If not of the same Fo Tang, I wonder if we would meet still. Life would be in a mess if I don’t have you. I can’t believe how much similar incidents we have went through. Like literally copy and paste. That’s not very nice actually. LOL. Well, that’s precisely why can connect that well too don’t we? You could understand me the way no others would. I don’t have to explain much. I’m so glad I have got you. May we have more opportunities to be there for each other in the years ahead :)

Jia Jia: I’m not too sure if you would have the chance to read this. For a period of time, I was devastated. I thought I lost you. I don’t know what to say, nor what to do. I thought you have changed. We have known each other ever since we were little. It was such a pain. Thankfully, it was over. You wouldn’t know how happy I was when we could talk again like before. Maybe you are still in the age where seeking fun is your top most priority, but don’t neglect certain stuff. Regret is the worst punishment ever. If you need anything, I’m just a call away okay? :)

Jia Min: Soon we would celebrate our 12 years anniversary! Like I have said, you could take off that title from FB anytime; the only condition is that the one that you are having relationship must be with Aaron. You know, the best feeling on earth is when you witness your two best friends get together. I’m so glad you all found each other. :)

Jonathan: You have been such a lovely. Never failed to cheer me up when I needed that. You were always there when I needed you. Like I have said, I looked up to you a lot; such an optimistic gentleman. I really do hope you will find your true love soon; that someone whom deserve you would appear really soon. And so you can be the happiest one on earth; we both agree that that emptiness can only be overcome with love don’t we? :)

Joshua Oh: Nothing is better than having such an awesome neighbor cum bestie! Well, I didn’t expect you to share so much about yourself with me the other day. But I was really happy you did; because it meant that you trust me and that we are closer now, right? I hope that neither of us would move house! I think you would be a good boyfriend next time; you pay attention to little things and would make the effort to go that extra miles. Well, 会顾家的男人都是好男人啦！:)

Joshua Teo: Well to be exact, we aren’t close. But still, you are someone I looked up to so there you go! I miss those little times when you would share your stories because they were always so inspiring. That’s exactly why I idolize you that much. Someone with great ambition, I’m pretty sure you will achieve even more in near future! I hope your grandpa will recover soon. :)

Jun Rong: I admire how direct you are. 直率，超帅的！This year has been hard on us I know. Yet, we have gained some in return like being even closer with our family. I pray with my everything that things will only get better from now on. You have been such a sensible one and should be blessed. I hope we will forge stronger friendship in the years ahead :)

Miao Hui: Longest friendship I guess? Like ever since we were 3? 4? Or 5? I’m really glad that though we have never been in the same school, we are still able to keep in contact somehow. And next year you are finally coming back to BXB. We can have more time or heart-to-heart-talk. :)

Nickie: The one who understands me best; you have always been. We don’t have to call nor talk everyday. Amazingly, we can connect that way still. You are one strong woman. I don’t hope that you would give up and reject all because of him. Trust me, they are the worst that one will ever meet. Nothing will beat us now alright? :)

Pei Hong: Jie jie, I’m so glad I have got you. It’s as if I have had a real jiejie. The way you care and protect and sacrifice and think for others just make you so angelic. I was so happy when you told me that I was chosen as your best friend for that question. May we have greater opportunities to be even closer in upcoming years! And for being such a great listener, thank you :)

Pei Ting: If you were less bimbotic, I guess you would be perfect. LOL, just joking. I love all those little encouragements you gave me; and that you would give me suggestions. Thank you for helping me peer mark many times. For the many little things you did, they actually mean a lot to me. Thank you dear :)

Rong Her: I smiled so widely when you said, “Yes, that’s your smell. I miss you!” With you around, that trip to Taiwan was made worthwhile. I hope that life will do justice to you, so your innocence will stay with you for as long as you live. It would be such a pity if that were being eaten away because of some horrible incidents or people you might meet! Don’t worry, Eunice and I will protect you. :)

Sook hui: You know you are so so much tougher now. Yet I have to remind you, you are no saint. You don’t have to shoulder all the responsibilities everywhere. You have your own life to lead, own expectations to fulfill, own values to hold. I’m so glad that you hang on to RSSB Alumni when most of us were down. Thank you dear :) Really, it’s okay to think for yourself sometimes.

Tanay: Steady do you still love me? Hahaha. Well there aren’t many opportunities for us to catch up this year, but you were always there when I needed to whine and complain. I hope your love would appear soon, so you won’t have to hua-chi everyday and drool over all those hot guys in class. :)

Vinus: I really salute to your 5 years relationship with your prince. Like we have always joke that you guys can start planning for marriage. You are one caring girl and I wanna thank you for helping me stalk people on twitter at times LOL. Okay, that was bad. I won’t do that anymore anyway. :)

Xing Jun: Babe! I’m so glad that I have got you for this whole semester. I would be so lost otherwise. I don’t know if we would be that close still next semester, but you are one awesome person. Fun-loving and full of nonsense and ideas as usual. Let’s work real hard together and do ourselves proud alright? No more skipping of lessons ever if there are webcasts, promise? I mean you have to force me to come to school! :)

Of course this list is not exhaustive.
If you don’t see your name here, you can give me a hug next time when you see me and give me a gentle reminder. LOL.

It’s late and I have passed my sleeping time. I can’t really think now. Pardon me!

Year 2013, please be good. I don’t ask for much, just good health for all.
 It’s my first time, not asking for much.

  I hope it makes a difference.

Remember, true love doesn't hurt. Only wrong love do.

It's amazing how one day someone walks into your life, then the next day you wonder how will you live without them.
Once upon a time, I thought I don't need any part-timer people in my life. You are either with me till the end or you are not. You can't just come and go as you please, because I hate it when I became reliant on you and then the next moment you were gone.
I thought the only reason that relationships end hastily is precisely because people stop putting in the same effort they tried to keep you as they did to win you.
Then things happened. When I finally realized that we don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason, or even reasons. Maybe when we are hurt we can't comprehend why god make such an arrangement. Maybe it's beyond our wisdom to even, in a long time.
Notwithstanding, I don't want to change the things I believe in. People told me that I should grow up, that I shouldn't trust that easily - but isn't humans innately good by nature? Albeit like Hsun Tsu, most agree that rather, we are innately bad and selfish, that we are governed by our instincts to survive and protect ourselves. True that, but not all the time! I want to hold on go this belief, my belief, even though I might have met the worst.

"When you love someone don't expect them to love you as much as you do; instead, love them so much that they for want to be loved by anyone else except you."

Having my favorite green tea latte at Starbucks.
It's rather empty here today.
Staring outside, it's a Sunday night.
Listening to Wilber's 我们都怕痛 repeatedly.
Indulge in deep thinking, on a night like this.