Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Revenge S2E4: They say that let he who is without sin cast the fire stone. And to be without sin requires absolute forgiveness.
But when your memories are freshly opened as wounds, forgiveness is the most unnatural of all human emotions.

I couldn't agree more to that.
Dearest Nickie must be wondering what exactly happened that destroyed such a big part of me.
When I have decided not to protect that someone anymore, I will come to you.

Yet again, the more anger towards the past you carry in you heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.
If I want to forget someone, and move on, I must give up hating them.
It's hard to forget someone you hate, because hatred takes pieces of your heart - thereby this person stays within your heart.

If you want to forget someone, let go of the hate, and create peace in your heart instead.
It's your road, and yours alone. others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.
Whatever others say are deem useless if you do not want to let it go.
Stop holding on to what hurts, and make room for what feels good. Only I can make that happen.
Noted.
Yes, I do need reminder like this one.

Everyone who is in your life is meant to be a part of that journey, but not all of them are meant to stay.
Never cry for that person who doesn't know the value of your tears.
So just please stop going back to the past.
Dear past, just stop freaking tap on our shoulder and force us to look back.
Someone ever told me that it's useless, because the other party has ale moved on.
Staying at the same spot and crying over whatever has happened would not change anything.
Don't degrade yourself.

Might not be tonight, tomorrow of the next day, but everything's gonna be okay.
Eunice told me that everything's will be fine in the end. If' it is not okay, it is not the end(:

A little note to the girls are out there,
"Don't complain about someone not treating you right. If you know you deserve better, why are you with them?"

Don't bloody hold on to a relationship because he is your first; don't believe in fairytales please.
Don't bloody hold on to a relationship because it has been a long one; it's always an advantage for guys when it comes to this.
Don't bloody hold on to a relationship because you have given them your first; fuck those shits and never do it with them again.
DON't Don't don't become someone else you yourself don't even recognise; that's their ultimate aim - to destroy us.
Don't let them win this game. Yes, I see these as games.
Be who you are, hold on to your values and beliefs.
They are still many beautiful things and people in this world.
Be brave and explore them, find new meanings in life, pursue new dreams, live it to the fullest.

Don't let this little set back fail you.
You are still YOU.
As long as you allow yourself to.

I found my new directions :)

Stumbling back to those days

Dear you,
I wonder how are you doing now?
I see that you found your new love; but I'm still stuck here, missing the old days.
I knew I would regret, but that's the only thing I could do for you then.
In this life, we would never be friends again. I don't believe that love would fade; or perhaps I really like the feeling of me being myself when I am with you.
I wanted to text you, to give you a call, to hug you from behind once more and thank you from the bottom of my heart, for all unforgettable memories. They were beautiful, to love and to be loved.
I knew you held on to your promises till as long as you could, but life needs to move on. Before that killed you.

And then dear you YOU,
I know it's unfair for me to hate you, for that I allowed things to happen, to turn out this ugly.
We said we would still be friends no matter; you asked what happened to this.
I thought I could, but I over-estimated myself.
You know it clearly that I needed time, you said you would wait.
But you rushed into things, and I gave in after awhile.
Then you turn your back on me, shot right through my heart when I was ready.
I should have known, guys were a bastard back then would most likely be one again.

Perhaps my life was too beautiful, and I chose to ignore all the dark sides. I trusted you, I gave you everything that you needed, to prove that I was trying hard enough; you should know better, you should have felt it.
I have decided to forgive you, though anger may come gusting back in no time. I would forgive, but I would never forget. I know I need to learn from my mistakes, and not to regret.
It's so so tough though; values that I hold so dearly to me were being destroyed.
Sometimes I wonder how long can I hold on for.

Do I really have to change that way?
I have been blamed, for being too selfless, for being too gullible, for being too innocent, for being too optimistic. Am I really one? I don't think so, not at all. I'm just really selfish and only chose to believe in all the happy-ending.
I don't know what I can do to make myself at least feel better.
I'm so tired .. I wish there's someone out there who knows.
I dont want to cry myself to sleep. I don't want to be a weak. I don't want to be a loser who just keep on ranting. But I need a place to let it all out.
I need it, so badly. A place where I would not be judge, excluding myself.

People asked why I no longer like slow melancholy love songs; I just don't want to read into the lyrics anymore, to wallow in self-pity, to beat myself up after.

I know there are so much things in life that I can look forward to, so much more that I can do.
I know I can't go back and undo things.
But dear past, can you please please please stop tapping on my shoulder?
I dont want to look back; this internal struggle is really killing me. Before I recovered from the first nightmare, the second one came haunting me.

Courage, I need you. To face all these mistakes. To embrace life once more.
I know I won't go into any relationship anymore, not any time soon at least. I hate the me I am now.
Can one day it really happened that all were just a nightmare?