Thursday, 3 May 2012

To be in love

Now i feel this way. I want to fall in love. I want to fall desperately and uncontrollably in love. I want my every breath to be as important to his existence as it is to my own. I want to feel empty inside when he's not beside me. I want to feel absolutely perfect when his arms are around me. I want to be miserable when he's unhappy. I want to be ecstatic when his life is going good. I want to be co-dependant. I don't want to be alone. I want to be loved unconditionally. I want to love someone unconditionally.
This won't happen until I'm happy the way I am. Nobody's going to fall in love with someone who's depressed with her place in the world. No one wants someone who's sad and tired all the time. They all want fun and intelligence. And happiness. I can't expect someone else to make me happy. I need to be happy first, and then I can be loved the way I long to be loved.
It's all backwards. All I want to do is cry and have somebody comfort me. But there's no one here to comfort me. I need someone inside the walls before they get built any higher. But they just keep going up and up. Soon it'll be too late. Too late for me and my happiness

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