I know and I knew that it will happen some day. But not this soon.
Maybe it was really too much of me. For making him wait that long.
Maybe it was really me that I'm such a fickle, think too much about the future, that I dont dare to try it out, to give both of us that chance. Maybe I was really a coward, that I don't dare to get hurt. Maybe I was really too selfish, to commit and love another.
But I don't think I'm such a cold blooded person.
Or maybe, I'm just wrong. I'm just not good enough to worth his wait.
That I can no longer try to help him be a better person. Maybe all the faults lie with me.
I can't because, he's tired and start forgetting all the little things he sacrificed for me. Maybe I really went overboard and demand for too much.
Maybe I'm not the person he should waste his effort and time on and he realizes that.
Ya. Tonight will be the final night it's happening. I'll cry myself to sleep cause I don't want to hold it back anymore.
And TMR, I'll be a different person. Someone tougher. I won't believe that any guy would change for me. I won't take words from guys like him. I won't. Trust. Anymore.
It's so so hard. I was warned by the whole world. Yet I chose to trust him.
And this is what I get in return.
Being too innocent, I was just dumb.
So for now, i will love myself more than anything else.
No one else can hurt me anymore.
So much hope I have in this world..
He destroy all my hope. And now I'm force to view the world as such a horrible place. Full of jerks out there who love themselves more than anything else. And now, I just have to do the same, to protect myself.